The joys of living in a security complex

I am a huge fan of 27b/6 so when I got an email from my landlord advising me that the complex Managing Agents were threatening to fine him because my curtains were the incorrect colour and were offending the aesthetics of the complex I had to reply ala David Thorne.  Please see the exchange of emails that ensued.

Email from Managing Agents to my landlord

Dear Mark,

Please could you address the following with your tenant and/or rental
agent.

We have been instructed by the Trustees of the Body Corporate to advise
you that during a routine inspection of the complex on Tuesday, 2nd
February 2010 it was seen that you have the incorrect curtains in your
lounge.  This spoils the aesthetics of the complex and is in breach of
the conduct rules.  You are requested to have the correct curtains hung,
as per the conduct rules.

Please see section 2 of the conduct rules:

2.  DAMAGE ALTERATIONS OR ADDITIONS TO A SECTION AND TO THE COMMON
PROPERTY

2.5.  Owner or occupier of a section shall ensure:

2.5.2.  That all curtains are to be lined with a white or cream fabric.
All blinds are to have a white, cream, charcoal or wooden backing.

You will receive two (2) warnings this being your first and thereafter a
fine of R250.00 will be imposed.

Thank you for your anticipated co-operation.

Yours faithfully,

TARYN LEWIS
MANAGING AGENT: ASCOT GROVE BODY CORPORATE
BC:     THE CHAIRPERSON

Email from my landlord to me

Dear Craig

I trust that you are keeping well.

I am forwarding an email to you, which I received from the Managing
Agents today, for your attention.

It seems that your curtains need to be lined with a white or cream
fabric in terms of the Conduct Rules in order to maintain an acceptable
level of aesthetics in the complex.

As fines are a waste of money and in nobody’s best interest I trust that
you will do the necessary at your very earliest convenience.

Please advise Taryn as soon as you have attended to this matter and
copy me so that I know this has been attended to.

Kind Regards

Mark Wilson

Email from me to my landlord…and the Managing Agents

Hi Mark

Hope you are well.

Sorry you have been bothered by this.  I will attend to it.  Thanks for the heads up.

I was not aware of this rule but I daresay will we soon have another letter from the headmaster shoved under our door telling us what awful people we are.

As you may remember the curtains in the lounge are not even mine.  They were in the flat when I took it over and must have belonged to the previous tenant which means they have been there for over 2 years.

Perhaps on their inspection the Management Agents may finally have noticed the standing water inside the wall cavity in my bedroom as a result of one of the residents above me’s geyser spewing water and a lack of weep holes in the exterior wall.  Instead of palming me off with stories of poor ventilation.  I now wash my wall weekly with Jik water as instructed, to remove the black mould that grows there only to have it return due to the damp wall.

They may also have noticed the god awful sulphurous stench that floods my flat from the washing machine outlet pipe.  The recommendation on this occasion was no, not Jik water, but to pour a cup of olive oil down the pipe.  Would that be Virgin or Extra Virgin?

Anyway, once again sorry you had to be bothered with this.  I will see if my mum can sew a cream or white lining onto the curtains.  I am loathed to get new curtains completely as I had my lounge suite and cushions upholstered especially to match.

Thanks for letting me know.

Craig